“Like the silkworm, you have built a cocoon around yourself. Who will save you? Burst your own cocoon and come out as a beautiful butterfly, as the free soul.”
March begins in Portland with unexpected sunshine, and a somewhat premature flower festival. Even if I really enjoy this, I catch myself wanting some of the flowers to wait, as if they could hold their breath until it is “the right moment to blossom”.
Life is just like that, a constant reminder of things changing. I almost hear the beautiful white magnolias whispering outside, as I watch them through the window: “We are just like this, it was the right time and we are blooming in all our splendor, you cannot do anything to control it, and it is OK.”
My secret fear (not secret anymore) is that the sooner they bloom, the sooner they will lose their petals, leaves will come, then Fall will begin, and suddenly, Winter will be right here!
I see my mind racing in time and, what do I find? Fear, a grasping fear of life coming to an end. Even if I witness transformation in Nature (and my always changing body is part of Nature), somewhere inside there’s a “dentist like” sound behind my ears, that says: “Death”.
What a charming introduction to the month when spring begins! I laugh at myself and go back to the word “transformation”. While I know that it is true (I am, at some point, going to die), transformation sounds nicer.
The mind can play such interesting tricks! It just depends on a change of focus and attitude, and I can be miserable or absolutely happy right now.
What do I choose to be?
Questions, transformation, discarding the old to embrace the new, even if at some point I will have to let go of that as well.
My mind goes to familiar (hopefully familiar) events like digesting and falling asleep, both require a healthy dose of letting go. Cycle of life, to breathe in and to breathe out.
So what can I do? Practical things like scraping the moss from the bricks in the patio, discarding the dry leaves, sorting out things in the closet - so that they get transformed and fill someone else’s drawers-, scraping my tongue –so that I take the unwanted bacteria out of my mouth-, drinking warm water with lemon every morning –for the 10 or 20 reasons that I should do it, according to the internet and my common sense-. Using the button “refresh” for relationships, beliefs, patterns, yoga sequences…
I was told Krishnamacharya said “do the same, but different”. The way I understand those words is to have consistency in my actions, to continue doing my yoga practice every day, to continue teaching, and also to not get attached to patterns, to keep the practice fresh, changing from time to time little things that help me to stay curious and present, to continue to grow and learn, things that keep me alive.
In each butterfly that we welcome, there’s a cocoon we definitely have to let go.