I have been reflecting on the nature and purpose of attachment, and reminding myself of Mary Oliver’s words when she says: “To live in this world, you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”
After my last dear bus driver left, Trimet (probably to test me!) has been doing its best to change the drivers, so every time I look at a new one I try to guess, first, if he/she is going to stay for more than one day, and then if they might be a person that I can connect with. Some time ago I had the same man as my driver for few days in a row, he seemed very kind and smiled to everyone, so at some point I asked, at the same time hopeful and fearful, “Are you going to stay in this route?” and he said: Yes! As you might imagine, if you know me a little, I immediately became fond of him, and every time I saw him I would say “It’s great to see you again!”
I recognize in me a willingness to create relationships, to connect, to feel that as I step in the bus it’s a little bit like family, that we keep each other’s back and care for each other, and this makes me feel that the world is in a way, OK.
One day, I jumped in and said the magic words to the smiling driver “It’s great to see you again!”. My older son, Santiago, was seating there, which is very unusual for that time of day. Santiago revealed that this driver was his driver, that they changed him to a different schedule, that he hadn’t seen him for a long time, and that he missed him.
When it was time to get off the bus my son asked me to go to the front door, so that he could say goodbye.
Parenthesis: saying goodbye is an important thing to me. Every time I talk to my mother on the phone I make sure that I say Thank you, I love you and Goodbye (which I believe was a suggestion from Fred Miller, a yoga teacher and yoga therapist who I met at Gary Kraftsow’s professional training). Maybe I will see my mother many more times in this lifetime, and yet, I want to make sure that those words are not left unsaid.
“Did you raise this man?” asked the smiling driver, “Yes!” I said. “You did a great job!”
I felt my heart about to burst out of my chest, and tears sprang out of my eyes, emotion being for a moment much bigger than my body. I’m so proud of my two sons, their kindness, compassion, integrity, inner strength, beauty and power are beyond words.
"To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it
to let it go."
Bus mystery solved! Thanks Mary Oliver, you did it again.